40+ and Fabulous Moving Foward, Fierce, Focused and Full of Life by Sondra Wright

Moving forward fierce, focused and full of life!

40+ and Fabulous Moving Foward, Fierce, Focused and Full of Life by Sondra Wright - Moving forward fierce, focused and full of life!

An Unexpected Surprise: 56, Grandmother, and Pregnant – OH MY!

6-23I’ve been reading a lot lately about later-life pregnancy and the fact that many women today are waiting until their late 30s and early 40s to have their first child. The media loves stories of over-40 celebrity moms like Halle Berry, who became pregnant for the first time at 41 and gave birth to her second child at 47; John Travolta’s wife, Kelly Preston, who was pregnant with their third child at the age of 47; and Geena Davis, who had her first child at 46 and two years later, gave birth to twins! These women seem to defy biology as medical science tells us the chances of getting pregnant decrease with age and the probability of a woman conceiving in midlife is slim to impossible. I’ve even heard Dr. Joshua Klein, medical director of Reproductive Medicine Associates of New York-Brooklyn, refer to a woman’s ability to conceive naturally in her mid-40s as “nearly miraculous.”

Well, hold on Dr. Klein, because miracles do happen, and this story of pregnant grandparents in High Point, NC, is indeed miraculous.

When my longtime friend Sara Harper phoned me with the jaw-dropping news, I was happy not to be in public because my mouth literally hung open. My reaction was the same as it had been for Sara when grandparents Sally and Charles Brown, members of a support group of relatives who are raising relatives’ children, stopped at her home recently to share their good news.

The Browns, ages 56 and 65 respectively, are the adoptive parents of three children, ages 7, 9, and 14. One is their biological grandchild, whom they’ve raised since birth.

“After a miscarriage 10 years ago, we gave up on trying to have children, and that was when we decided to adopt,” said Sally.

Sally received the news during her yearly physical exam, after explaining to her doctor she was noticing some changes in her body. She admits to having a good cry at first, but is happy and glowing after the initial shock, and believes without a doubt, “God is in control.”  Sally, an ordained minister who loves to fish, said she dreamt one night about catching a big fish and began to call around the next day to see who was pregnant. It never for a moment occurred to Sally it might be her.

Sally works in the Guilford County Schools Special Needs Department. Her husband, Charles, is employed with Flowers Bakery in Jamestown, NC, and has not stopped smiling since the news. As a matter of fact, unbeknownst to Sally, Charles said he had been praying for this miracle.

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Women Over 40 Can Achieve Best Physical Shape

HS_Mumford2When I met Diane Mumford, I was surprised to learn that 20 years ago, when she turned 40, she was 40 lbs., heavier, five dress sizes larger, with a lot less tone and muscle mass, than her body of today.

According to Diane, as a woman in her twenties, the 122 lb. frame she sported, even after giving birth to two children, came easily and effortlessly.

But once she hit the 30 mark, her weight began to climb. And in just 10 years, Diane gained 40 pounds, or, as she points out, “an average weight gain of 4 pounds per year, or approximately 1/4 pound per month!!”

Scared, concerned, and even a little depressed about her size and body image, Diane began a regimen on her 40th birthday of crash dieting, over exercising and eventual burnout!

Seeing her efforts yield no results was frustrating, but it was also the catalyst that led Diane to join a gym and begin working with a trainer. The rest, she says…is “history!”

Because of the success she found, working with a trainer, Diane herself became a personal trainer 16 years ago. “I wanted to make sure that women over 40 heard my message; that they can improve over the years by doing a little a lot — not a lot a little!”

Throughout her 40’s and 50’s Diane competed in bodybuilding and figure contests as a hobby. That hobby would earn her titles in the 2005 and 2009 North Carolina Bodybuilding Championship. This summer Dianne will turn 60 and is not only confident that she can maintain her own health and fitness in the years to come, but can set other women on the path to do the same.

Diane says one of the most important things she has learned and can share is there is no magic or luck involved in getting and staying in shape! She offers these following tips for helping you find yourself in your best shape after 40.

1. Lift weights. Use exercise bands or your own bodyweight to create resistance exercises consistently, twice a week — every week.

WHY? Muscle burns more calories than fat.

2. Movement. Walk, bike, run 20-30 minutes every day.

WHY? A strong heart is a strong healthy muscle.

3. Eat as clean as you can, when you can, and often, rather than crash diet once in a while. A clean eating lifestyle is really the foundation for reaching your fitness goals. This means choosing foods (e.g., fruits, vegetables, lean meats, whole grains) that feed your body efficiently.

WHY? Fat feeds fat. Protein feeds muscle. Carbs are an energy source.

4. Just like a baby your adult body needs food, exercise and rest on a regular basis.

WHY? Your body responds to consistent routines both in exercise and eating habits.

 Myths:

  • Age makes you fat
  • Hormones make you fat
  • Gender makes you fat
  • Stress makes you fat
  • Lack of sleep makes you fat
  • Medication makes you fat

The above list contributes to being fat but is not entirely responsible for directly causing you to be fat.

Reality:

Your number enemy in your war against FAT is FOOD! Eating too much food and/or eating the wrong foods leads to obesity and poor health.

Diane says more than fancy equipment and expensive memberships, a woman needs some strength training combined with cardio, clean eating, and consistency, to achieve and maintain the best physical shape of her life!

 

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Judge Alex, The Cougar, and the Prey

Photo Credit: Eur ThisNThat

Cougars beware. As more and more boomers and women over 40 are embracing the cougar woman stereotype, we need to interrupt your predatory stalk for a word of caution.  The cubs are on the prowl and have you on their radar as easy prey.  So read up, be wise, and know that you’re worth way more than just another notch in his belt and a story to brag about at the bar.

I watched an entertaining yet very concerning episode of Judge Alex this week; 39 year old Mr. Pettus (aka, the Plaintiff) came to court seeking restitution for a loan to his former lover, 59 year old Ms. Blackmond (aka, the defendant). I cringed as Mr. Pettus testified that he and Ms. Blackmond had met on a chat line and “hooked up” the first night. Ladies, this is not the 70’s Sexual Revolution, Part II. A two headed monster has joined your casual sexcapades. His name is HIV/AIDS and he is infecting women over 50 at an alarming rate.

My interest was peaked as Mr. Pettus went on to testify that soon into the relationship Ms. Blackmond began to ask for financial assistance; $759.60 for her utility bill, $126.39 for an alternator, $95 for tires, and $70 for a mechanic, all which he loaned to her.

Ms. Blackmond agreed she owed the money and says the relationship fell apart because Mr. Pettus was controlling and tried to keep tabs on her, “I ain’t letting no man – young, middle-aged, or old – control me!” She stated that soon after the relationship ended, her sister learned that Mr. Pettus was a married man with children.

When Judge Alex asked Mr. Pettus about his marriage, Mr. Pettus stated that while not divorced, he and his wife had been separated for many years, and that he does have a girlfriend. Further probing by the judge revealed that Mr. Pettus was not only involved with this particular girlfriend now, but also during his relationship with Ms. Blackmond, and neither woman had known about the other.

Now pay close attention and read very carefully the next two questions and answers between Judge Alex and Mr. Pettus.

Judge Alex – “Mr. Pettus, were you in love with Ms. Blackmond.”

Mr. Pettus – “No.”

Judge Alex – “What kind of relationship did you have with her?”

Mr. Pettus – “It should have been a hit it, quit it, and don’t babysit it!”

…a Hit it! Quit it! And don’t babysit it! And as twisted as it is, in his complaint Mr. Pettus writes, “A part of me wants to get back with Mary (Ms. Blackmond), but I want my money.”

I can’t take anymore Ms. Blackmond, pay the man! Judgment for the Plaintiff!!

Photo Credit: Eur ThisNThat “No Such Thing As A Cougar

 

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13 Past Seasons of Dancing With the Stars and Only 2 Boomers Have Claimed the Mirror Ball Trophy!

Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough, DWTS

Calling all boomer women and women over 40! Whether it’s the Bop, the Twist, the Hustle or Break Dancing, we invented dance and, make no mistake about it, can still shake a tail feather with the absolute best of them!

In 13 past seasons of Dancing With the Stars, only two over 40 contestants have claimed a win. Born December 9, 1957, Donnie Osmond was 51 years old when he claimed the coveted Mirror Ball Trophy in 2009. And not only did he dance, but Donnie stunned the Nation when he planted a wet one on the lips of the fiery judge Bruno Tonioli. The kiss went down in history, landing Donnie in the #4 spot of Dancing With the Stars Top 10 List of Most Shocking Moments.

In season 11 we transitioned from shock to tears as Jennifer Grey brought on the water works, dancing flawlessly to “These Arms of Mine,” in remembrance of her Dirty Dancing co-star, Patrick Swayze.  Jennifer, born March 26, 1960, was 50 years old when she won Dancing With the Stars in 2010.

Season 14 kicked off last week, on March 19th, and is said to be “…the best opening night in Dancing With the Stars History!” In the midst of this tough competition are 5 over 40 hopefuls: Sherri Shepherd, 44; Melissa Gilbert, 47; Martina Navratilova, 55; Gladys Knight, 67; and Jack Wagoner, 52.

Will one of them win? Only time will tell! But with our collective support, we can certainly do what boomers have always done, and that’s give them a darn good show and a run for the money! Who’s with me?

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Highlights, Takeaways and Ah-Ha Moments from 40+ and Fabulous FabU Academy – The Empowerment Conference for Women 40 and Over

40+ and Fabulous, FabU Academy

In was a perfect winter morning; a beautiful sun-kissed sky, crisp chill in the air, and  100 women invading Tuscany Gardens in Browns Summit, NC, armed with smiles and positive expectations for an event that would celebrate, encourage and empower women over 40.  Sondra Wright, founder of Forty Plus and Fabulous, LLC, FabU Academy, and author of 40+ and Fabulous: Moving Forward Fierce, Focused and Full of Life kicked off the day with a strong start, beginning with a focus on self-perception, personal power and redefining beauty. As the day progressed and sessions continued, here are some key takeaways and themes that emerged from FabU Academy.

In the opening session, AARP…It’s Not Just for Old People, Audrey Galloway introduced is to today’s AARP, “AARP is no longer about just being retired. We invest heavily in advancing the needs of women,” and Suzanne LaFollette-Black introduced everyone to a new program, “Women like, us. Women like me. Decide. Create. Share. This program is all about empowering women; to ensure women know how to take care of themselves. You must give yourself permission to take care of yourself.” 

The youngest of the events presenters, 10 year old Barrington Briggs, Founder of B’s Club made the point that every woman is imperfectly beautiful “I want women to understand that even though your hair, teeth or weight may not be perfect, that doesn’t mean you’re not beautiful.”

Creativity in Midlife was the theme behind Go Free Pants’ Tina Ketchie Stearns. Tina reminded everyone that God gives people of all ages ideas, not just the young. So don’t be afraid to act. “Listen to your gut, which I believe is God and trust that He’s got you. When you’re passionate about your dreams you’ll gladly go broke trying to make it happen.”

Tina Ketchie-Stearns, GoFree Pants

Estate Planning Attorney, Susan Hunt gave much food for thought with Confidence in Chaos: Caring for Your Aging Parents. Sue drove home the importance of making a plan for your estate. “If you don’t make a plan, the state will make ne for you and you’re probably not going to like it. Your family wills do not need to be kept in a safety deposit box because your executor may not be able to gain access to them when needed.”

The importance of self-care emerged as a powerful theme and breast cancer survivor, Brenda Motley’s personal journey through self-neglect, denial, acceptance, hope, survivor and now educator is truly an inspiration and wake up call to women everywhere.  “I knew I was high risk, but I convinced myself I was too busy to take time out for a breast exam. Make your own well-being a top priority

Audience volunteers assisted martial arts expert Frank Anderson in demonstrating some simple yet effective self-defense techniques for women.  “If a man is attacking you, you cannot expect to go strength to strength, muscle to muscle with him, but you can learn to use different parts of your body, to defend yourself against his attack.”  Frank empowered women with this reassuring message, “Your body belongs to you and you can protect it!”

Frank Anderson, Self Defense for Women

When it comes to women and fashion, the rules for women over 40 are often conflicting and overwhelming. We don’t want to look like 20 year olds, but you better believe we want to look like the best 40, 60 and 80 year olds that we possibly can. Linda Eistentein of Clothes Befitting uses, not age, but body type styling to create beautiful, confident women – – inside and out.  Linda’s advice to the ladies, “Go out on the limb, and take flight!”

Whether the goal is to build a business, get healthier and more fit, have more satisfying relationships, grow spiritually, or live a more financially responsible life – this simple piece of advice share by Action Coach Mary Ann Hauser applies across the board, “Be x Do = Have. The being is more important than the doing“. Mary Ann suggested an awesome read, The Art of Exceptional Living, by one of my favorites, the late great Mr. Jim Rohn.

Her-Moans: My Hair is Thin, My Butt’s Getting Bigger and I’m Tired!, was Health Coach Audretta Hall’s lively, entertaining, and informative spin on the very real matter of hormones. This was a great look at estrogen imbalance and determining whether your body may be out of balance.  Audi also shared tips for healthy weight management such as “Sweets after a heavy meal turns your body into a fat making machine,” and suggests waiting at least an hour before enjoying that after dinner dessert. I had no idea!

 

 

 

 

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OC Housewife Slade Smiley Reveals Unflattering Opinions About Women Over 40

Slade Smiley, Gretchen Rossi from BravoTV.com

Okay, recapping reality TV shows is not my thing but every now and then something happens that presses my buttons. And so it was with this week’s episode of Housewives of Orange County. The players in my story: Gretchen Rossi, Slade Smiley and Housewife newcomer Heather Dubrow.

The perceived drama started at Vicky’s dinner party, when Heather had the audacity to smile across the table at Gretchen and call her “cute”. I mean really Heather, you just met this woman. How dare you offend her by calling her “cute!”

And Gretchen Rossi, having found the compliment (which from my perspective seemed sincere enough) so utterly offensive, she later reported the transgression to boyfriend Slade.  Slade, being the older and wiser of the two, offered up a real intelligent (or not) explanation for Heather’s 4-letter word slander.

“Let me guess… she’s 43. Because that’s how 40 year olds act when they’re around 30 year olds, because they’re a little jealous of the fact that they used to look like you when they were 30.”

Riddle me this Slade, are you a real life idiot, or do you just play one on TV? In a world where there already exist too many negative male perpetuated messages for women, why would you make such an insensitive generalization about women over 40? In fact, with the majority of your fellow cast members being in this demographic, wouldn’t it be safe to say that women over 40 are the reason you’re even working?

Clearly Dubrow exudes a calm poise and confidence not yet acquired by the 33 year old Rossi. Perhaps a better explanation, Slade, is simply that Mrs. Dubrow is comfortable enough in her own skin to pay another woman a compliment – not always easy for women to do. Conversely, the younger Ms. Rossi, not yet having realized a comparable level of confidence, seeks to look for the underlying meaning behind the compliment, where there is none. As the saying goes, “It is what it is.”

Something positive did come from the exchange however, should Ms. Rossi choose to heed the warning. Girlfriend, your man has already revealed to you his true feelings about women over 40. Give yourself the gift of detaching from this housewife today. 7 years will be here before you know it, and while you would have certainly grown in many ways, including ease, confidence and self control, those don’t sound like qualities Slade is going to value in a jealous, 40-something, has been.

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Self Image and the Media: Who’s in Control of You?

Guest Blogger, Angela Johnson

It is a known fact that women over 40 are underrepresented in the media.  Almost every media outlet caters to a younger audience.  It has become a popular practice around the media business to use younger images of women. This also includes media sources that claim to be for women of all ages. Therefore, how can women over forty relate to the publications, advertisements, and information being given to them?

They can’t! Women over 40 are faced with seeing images of young women with beautiful bodies, no health issues, killer careers and positive mental health. The problem is these women are only a small handful of the overall population in the world.  You can’t turn on the TV without seeing a diet commercial of some young 20 something that hated her body and lost weight in 30 days and now looks great.  You have TV shows with some of the most beautiful women juggling career and family, living the most unrealistic lives one has ever seen.   What are the results on the women sitting at home watching?

The results are catastrophic.  You have highly respected beautiful women trying to recapture their youth.  Why? Because they feel they have missed out on something or are lacking in some area of their life, largely because today’s popular media has made them feel this way.  Now you have women in their 40’s starving themselves or walking around dressed like some college girl.  It might sound crazy if this is not your reality but take a look at the women around you.  There are so many women trying to live up to this unrealistic, non-existent image of what a woman should be.

The key to understanding media and the images that are shown is to take it with a grain of salt.  Companies all over the world are trying to market to women and the amazing buying power that women control.  They think the best way to accomplish sales success is to use images of youthful women to make women believe that by using their product they’ll become like the woman in the ad.  However, we all know that is not the case…like when you buy a Spanx undergarment. You look good when you have them on.  When you take them off it is like, “Whoa Nellie!”  Companies are only doing what statistical information tells them.  They are not thinking of the real women that consume their products.

In the future, remember before you turn on the TV, pick up a magazine or hop on the internet know who you are and what you want. Do not let media decide for you.

Angela Johnson is the Founder and Consultant of Dvine Design Media started in 2010.  Angela is a Mom of 2, writer, social entrepreneur, Life Coach, PR & Social Media, and Customer Service Consultant.   Angela is passionate about her family, travel, women finding success, and helping people realize their dreams.

Connect with Angela

Inspiration Blog www.livinlifewithpurpose.blogspot.com

Facebook http://www.facebook.com/LivinLifeWithPurpose

Twitter http://twitter.com/aejohnson3131

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Boomers and Women Over 40: Taking Responsibility for Our Own Future

So I’m sitting here once again, reading two conflicting articles that came out last week. One is another bleak reminder that boomer women are struggling to maintain a decent standard of living; the other touts boomer women as having the largest amount of wealth in the world and a key demographic for the next decade. So which is it; are we broke or are we wealthy?

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times and I’ll continue to say it until we all get it. Don’t let the world “should” on you, don’t let the world impose its ideas on you, don’t let the world impart its fears in you, and never, ever conform to society’s thoughts about you. Your job is to be  aware, stay informed and take responsibility for yourself and your future.

Here are two important components to taking responsibility for your future:

  • Learn To Overcome Your Circumstances – People are always blaming their circumstances. “No one ever gave me a break.” “I gave up my dreams to raise my family.” “I didn’t get the chance to go to school.” “My husband never supports anything I want to do.” Don’t be overcome by your circumstances. We live in a country that, although not perfect, gives every person the chance to overcome their past and rise above their current situation. But the ultimate responsibility is ours and realizing that is the all important fist step in living the lives we want.
  • Pursue Your Dreams With Optimism And Passion – Choose not to be an “I always wanted to, but…” kind of woman. Too many women are wasting their over 40 years discussing life as though they’re a mist in a far off corner of the church, staring at their cold, stillness as friends and family bid them farewell. You hear it said in different ways: “I always wanted to go back to school and become a nurse, but…” “I always wanted my own catering business, but…” “I always wanted to. . .play piano; see a Broadway show; serve on a Board; spend more time with my family; start that foundation, but…” Failure only exists in the grave! Stop referring to your life as though it’s already ended. Take responsibility for your future by taking action today. Dig up of those dead weed seeds that have taken root in your mind and plant seeds of hope and expectation, and then cultivate the right actions that will turn your “buts” into achievements. The clock is ticking. Now get to it!
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Fitness 101: Keeping it Simple for Women Over 40

Ernestine Shepherd, 74

Who doesn’t admire a mature woman who glows from the inside out in a state of vibrant good health? We’ve all seen her; poised and confident with a beautiful head of silver hair, radiant skin and great posture. Vitality oozes from her very being and yes, we understand that it can only be achieved systematically through right choices in diet, exercise, healthy introspection, and increasingly relevant for today, spiritual or mental fasts from media, noise, pollution and negativity. I want to be THAT woman! The reality is, too many of us will start with good intentions, have a vision of the end in mind and fizzle out somewhere in the middle. Here are a few simple and very doable tips to help you become 40+ and Fitness Fabulous!

1.  Release Faulty Beliefs

So what if you didn’t exercise the first 40 years. Is that any reason not to do it for the next 40? But often women believe if they neglected themselves in the first half of life then it’s too late to do anything about it now. THAT’S FALSE! I’ve had the pleasure of interviewing hundreds of women, many whom report not having even developed a passion for exercise until their forties or fifties. The most amazing news is, they also report having much healthier body images today than in their 20’s and 30’s. So even if you’ve had a completely inactive lifestyle, it’s never too late to start exercising and improve your health.

2.  Start Where You Are

Been comparison shopping for the right gym membership terms? Interviewing and taking recommendations for personal trainers. Stop your stall tactics, you! Spending a fortune on clubs and trainers is just not necessary. In fact, you have everything you need in your home (stairs, soup cans, pet, curtain rod) or neighborhood (walking trail, park) to start a solid workout program the minute you finish reading this post. And here’s a tip from  me, to keep my arms looking toned, I do 10 push ups in the morning and another 10 at night!

3.  Set Realistic Expectations

Those arm wings didn’t appear overnight so no fair to start your program thinking you’re going to get 6-pack abs and buns of steel in 30 days. NO FAIR!! The more unrealistic you are about your goals, the more likely you are to think you’ve failed and quit. Even though you may not notice the visible results right away, your strength, balance, flexibility and endurance are reaping major benefits. And over time, with consistent, steady effort, while you may not look like Ernestine Shepherd, you will begin to see the visible results of leaner muscle and looser fitting clothes.

4.  Understand Family History for What It Is…HISTORY!

Listen, just because your grandmother died of heart disease, and her father died of heart disease, does NOT mean you’ll die of heart disease. No more than a black cat crossing your path means anything other than it was simply trying to get to the other side. Knowing our family medical history is important so that we can do better, not seal our fate!  It is indeed wise, based on family history, to make appropriate lifestyle adjustments. But much less wise, I might add, to internalize a history of medical conditions as your own inevitable demise.

5.  Disguise Your Exercise

I never much cared for exercise until I discovered Pilates. I guess because I find it to be less like “exercise” and more like… relaxation. For you outgoing, festive types, a Zumba workout is cleverly disguised as your hanging out with friends dance party. For you meditative, deep thinkers, Tai Chi or Yoga wears the disguise of gentle stretches and poses and may be your perfect fit  The most important thing here is to find something you love that’s taught by an instructor who’s willing to meet you where you are.

6.  Celebrate the Small Stuff

Never be self critical. If you skip up a day, so what; pick up the next day and keep going. And don’t wait for the big changes; celebrate the baby steps along the way.  Started out with 10 arm curls and now you can do 12? CELEBRATE!. Started out doing 10 minutes of Zumba and now you can do 15? CELEBRATE!  Celebrating the little things will keep you fired up, motivated and on track for the big things. Before you know it, you’ve reached your original goals and now have to set some new ones.

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Too Late To Find Your Soulmate: Will This Lie Ever Die?

Recently, I came across an article at Mail Online, a UK lifestyle site which features a section of women interest stories called “Femail.”  The story that caught my eye (and my breath) was called “The Plankton Generation – that’s women who are barely visible and at the bottom of the food chain for romance – just because they’re over 45.”  It was written by a woman, Winifred Robinson, who I would guess to be over 40, simply because she describes herself as “married and out of the dating game for nearly 20 years,” and had come across the blog of a mid 40’s single woman who refers to herself as – -wait for it – -“The Plankton.”

Plankton – any drifting organisms (animals, plants, archaea, or bacteria) that inhabit the pelagic zone of oceans, seas, or bodies of fresh water, and serve as food for fish and other larger organisms. ~ Wikipedia

The Plankton’s blog is one which is dedicated to the lamentations of over 40 women, looking for love. She expresses that, “like the plankton in the ocean, she is barely visible and ‘at the bottom of the food chain for love and relationships’.” Ms. Robinson sees this as a growing concern for many women over 40, and offers several possible reasons why; “middle-aged men are  looking for partners who are far younger than them,” “The opportunities to meet other single people tend to peter out as we move from youth to middle age,” “older women may be missing out on the chance of finding love because, bruised and rejected in earlier relationships, they lack the confidence and persistence to keep dating until they find  a match,” and “Older women may also be scuppering their chances by being too picky.”

For me, I detect a more subtle but primary reason that The Plankton is still single. One that has little to do with the fact that she’s 45 and everything to do with how she views herself at 45. In my opinion, any woman who refers to herself as Plankton and further solidifies her beliefs by dedicating a blog to it, has not only ruined her chances of finding a prince but she can kiss all the frogs good-bye as well. Her beliefs are affecting her actions and expectations and what she is getting in return is a direct result of that.

To be content on seeing oneself as small, weak and insignificant – is to dismiss the beauty and value you bring to the world. I did some digging and discovered that plankton are of extreme importance to our existence; playing a central role in our energy, carbon, and oxygen cycles in life. In fact, “Most of the oxygen we breathe is produced by photosynthetic plankton in our oceans.” ~New World Encyclopedia

At almost 48 years old I am very aware that as I move throughout the world, men notice me. They notice me because the thoughts I have about myself are revealed in the confidence my body language expresses. That’s what they see. And it’s not just me! I see it in 50 something’s, 60 something’s and yes, even 70 something’s, who feel good and practice feeling good about themselves. Those are the behaviors I model. Your outcomes start to change when your idea of yourself starts to change.

Women self sabotage and self destruct by buying into and perpetuating the stereotypical beliefs about women over 40 finding love and marriage. Just look at the way Ms. Robinson from Mail Online chose to end her piece, “So, no matter how much we might all wish it, when it comes to affairs of the heart, for the older single woman, there just isn’t a happy ending every time.” She bought it and now she’s selling it back to you. Otherwise, why would she suggest this is a problem for older women? Isn’t the real truth ladies, that when it comes to affairs of the heart, there’s no age group of woman for which there exists a happy ending every time?

Listen, marriage won’t solve your problems. If you’re not happy with yourself now, that won’t magically happen once you say “I do.” What you now have is a married unhappy you, who now risks poisoning someone else with your unhappiness. My advice: work on you! Work on you from the inside out so that when that lucky guy does come along – he won’t see Plankton when he looks at you. Instead, he’ll see you for the vibrant, confident, 40+ and Fabulous woman you are.

I checked in with my friend, Elizabeth Maness, founder of DatingDivaSites.com, and asked for a little dating insight for the over 40 crowd.  Here’s what Liz had to say…

You are never too old to fall in love

I have read the letters from men and women of many of which are over 40 and find love again. In fact 35 and over are my target market in my business because they are more serious about finding relationships than younger people. Men and women join about 50/50 and most are interested in a long term relationship.

You can become too bitter to allow yourself to fall in love again

I also get letters from the broken and bitter, and attitude is everything. They don’t believe they can find love again and they will not. I can’t think of anything attractive about a bitter soul.  Can you? These are the clients that I refer to coaches. They have to heal before they can find a healthy relationship.

Self respect is an attractive feature

Love and respect yourself and you will attract the same from others. There is nothing sexier than a person who has self respect and it shows. People who respect themselves are very attractive and draw attention from people with the same qualities.

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